…Is what my friend Brian calls it. I don’t think it needs much more explanation. I’m sitting at 20-plus thousand feet with the power of a sixties-era super computer on my lap warming my nuts to an uncomfortable temperature. (I suppose it doubles as a birth control device)
My telephone is sitting beside me in ‘airplane mode’ but as soon as we land, I’ll switch it back on and check the mail inbox to see if anything needs immediate attention.

-I like to think of myself as somewhat well-read and technologically aware-

In the meantime, back on the ground, Brian has an application on his phone to check and see our current altitude, speed and eta and can switch over to another application to try and avoid traffic jams so we can hurry over and get to the radio station in time to pre-record an interview which will be digitally edited to sound as if we’re actually in the station at the time of the interview when actually, I’ll probably be grabbing the couple of hours of free time to update Facebook, Twitter and the other social sites, play a game of Mario Carts online against people around the world and then virtually grab a few hours of sleep before it all starts again tomorrow.

I’ll wake up, check the status of my manager’s Facebook page instead of calling because I can get a feel for her availability by checking her online status.
There won’t be any need to call the band to see if there’s anything they need before the gig because I know someone will text me if there is.
If the phone rings and I’m in the middle of checking any of my virtual lines in the water and I don’t recognize the number, it’ll go to voicemail where I can later retrieve it and then put it on an automatic call-back application for later.

And then……….I realize, I’ve made it through a day without actually talking to anyone

Damn, I’m lonely

So, as I’m sitting here thinking about being a little hungry for real human interaction I notice an extra bag of peanuts in the middle seat so I asked my neighbor if she’d like to eat them. She said “No, but I’ll take them because I owe them to my co-worker for helping me out yesterday”
….um, okay, “whatever” I’m thinking and then she proceeds to tell me she’d been in North Carolina for Father’s day and then I tell her I’m from North Carolina and then she tells me she lives in Texas and I say I live in Texas sometimes and she says she’s into Douglas Adams and we laugh about officious bureaucrats and, and…..

Well, I find out she’s an aerospace engineer for Johnson Space center where at that point I slam the laptop cover shut and dig into a conversation eager to share with her my daft awareness of the heavens and technography.
Ironically, she tells me about programming and communication with the shuttle and space station and how it’s all pc based, originally Unix until they decided to switch over to Linux a few years back.
I’m appalled to think that my other lifelong ambition is being controlled by the pc community and how technologically behind they must be.

She then proceeded to tell me that the space station was going to get a Pentium one this year due to years of testing that they require for approval. (refer to hitchiker’s guide)
Really? A PENTIUM FARIGGIN’ ONE????

Feeling humbled at my superficial need for all this hipster technography and realizing that we’ve gone to the moon, sent countless satellites into orbit, and managed to stay in touch with each other with land lines and old-fashioned knocks on a neighbor’s door..I thanked her for her insight.
I was feeling pretty good about my ability as a musician to actually hold a conversation about math and physics when I noticed she was looking at me with a pained expression…

I realized that I had something peeking out of my left nostril